Posted in Writing Playlists

How to Write a Book: a Parody

Hello, hello. Welcome. Today we are going to be discussing the process of writing a book.

Let’s start, shall we?

HOW TO WRITE A BOOK:

Phase 1: Okay. Okay. I got this. *cracks neck, fingers, etc*

This is so EASY. Why doesn’t everyone write a book? I’m already at 10,000 words suckers. I’ll have this baby done in a WEEK.

Phase 2: *Every time sits down at computer, shivers and leaves or stares blankly at screen*

Everything I’ve written so far is utter crap. Why did no one stop me from wasting all of those hours? Why didn’t anyone tell me that I can’t write??

Phase 3: *gritting teeth and typing while in intense pain* this is terrible. Literally every word I’m typing sounds terrible, but I’m just going to keep pushing through

Phase 4: *does everything but write* (oh, maybe I’ll get inspiration from reading, working out, tv…weeks pass…I’ve made no progress)

Phase 5: *cry in corner*

Phase 6: *epiphany* *writes furiously, can’t keep up with ideas fast enough* (mwahahahah this is brilliant I am so brilliant I am writer I knew I could write I knew this idea was fabulous I’m going to write ALL THE BOOKS)

Phase 7: This is bad

Phase 8: FINALLY FINISHES DRAFT

*realizes it’s a rough draft and must revise hella a lot*

“The Office stare” into the camera

It’s only just begun

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Author:

Hello! My name is Katie and I like to write. If I'm not writing, I'm probably reading, running, playing with my dogs, or eating peanut butter ;)

2 thoughts on “How to Write a Book: a Parody

  1. This process is so familiar to me. I am currently in phase 4, but need to get my head back in the game for camp nano in July (one week to go). I am hoping to read a really good book that will inspire me to keep going, but the most helpful thing is having friends to keep you going.

    Like

  2. God, this is relatable! I’d absolutely love to have a published novel one day but writing is so damn hard. I quit every time because I end up hating it and then my dreams dissolve for about a week or two and then I’ll start up again. I’m determined to do it one day though!

    Like

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