Hello, hello. Welcome. Today we are going to be discussing the process of writing a book.
Let’s start, shall we?
HOW TO WRITE A BOOK:
Phase 1: Okay. Okay. I got this. *cracks neck, fingers, etc*
This is so EASY. Why doesn’t everyone write a book? I’m already at 10,000 words suckers. I’ll have this baby done in a WEEK.
Phase 2: *Every time sits down at computer, shivers and leaves or stares blankly at screen*
Everything I’ve written so far is utter crap. Why did no one stop me from wasting all of those hours? Why didn’t anyone tell me that I can’t write??
Phase 3: *gritting teeth and typing while in intense pain* this is terrible. Literally every word I’m typing sounds terrible, but I’m just going to keep pushing through
Phase 4: *does everything but write* (oh, maybe I’ll get inspiration from reading, working out, tv…weeks pass…I’ve made no progress)
Phase 5: *cry in corner*
Phase 6: *epiphany* *writes furiously, can’t keep up with ideas fast enough* (mwahahahah this is brilliant I am so brilliant I am writer I knew I could write I knew this idea was fabulous I’m going to write ALL THE BOOKS)
Phase 7: This is bad
Phase 8: FINALLY FINISHES DRAFT
*realizes it’s a rough draft and must revise hella a lot*
“The Office stare” into the camera
It’s only just begun